Dec 25 2008
Christmas Day…
Last night I was majorly depressed over D. My mom even asked me if I was thinking of, well, killing myself. I’m so grateful I’m not. But this is very hard around the holidays. I can’t help remembering last year, as insane as it was. If I love D so much, then I wouldn’t have been with S as well. If I love D so much, I wouldn’t have left him to begin with. Friendships cannot be restored, because it keeps the pain and dream alive. I have to carry on. I realize D was a “drug” but I also did have as much genuine love for him as someone with my addictive, sometimes empty personality could have. And though I’m not religious, Christmas is about love. I have to remember to find love within myself.
